"Going through family court robbed me of the chance to set myself up again": how Ellen is getting out of her legal debt

"I divorced from my husband and, you know, I received a very reasonable settlement initially. And then he shortchanged me, and then I went back to get what was more rightfully mine, and then from that turned into a custody battle with the kids."

Ellen is 46 and works as a psychiatric nurse in a private facility. She lives in Moorabbin, in Melbourne's south-east, with her kids, three cats and a large Alexandrine parrot. She gets child support from her ex-husband, "but nothing else". The custody battle drained most of what the settlement had left her. "Going through family court robbed me of the chance to set myself up again."

The cost of family court: almost $200,000

Ellen puts a number on the total costs. "I estimate almost $200,000 has been chewed through the family court system."

She and her kids are victims of family violence. Her eldest son is autistic and has ADHD and OCD, and both kids needed support after she left. "Both kids have needed a lot of psychological support after I left my husband, because we, unfortunately, have experienced family violence. So that's something that's taken a toll emotionally but also financially, like, enormously. And people don't really stop to realise that either."

The word debt gets one word back: "Dread." Then she keeps going. "It's something that I always feared, but as time went on, it became more and more plausible that that's where I was going to wind up, even having a large financial settlement."

She had weighed it up before she left. "I knew I was going to be taking a gamble, leaving the financial security of a marriage to be on my own. But when it comes down to safety, it's, you know, you're prepared to walk away and face debt."

"I'll take debt," she says.

The maths of it has settled for her since. "A couple of years ago it would have been like, oh my God, I'm terrified I'm going to be in debt. Now it's like, well, look around. [My kids] are safe, they're happy, they're okay. So, all right. I work and I like my job, and a lot of people have got it a lot worse than me."

After the legal battles, she had to go into debt to survive. "When it comes to day to day living expenses, like fluid money, my savings is gone, I'm having to pay off debt."

Sorting the aftermath of maxed out credit cards

The moment she decided to act on it was not complicated. "When the credit card was maxed, it was becoming too difficult to make those repayments. So I needed to do something to clear off the credit card and close the credit card, so that I wouldn't get into the same situation again."

She found WeMoney through an ad, on Instagram or Facebook. To her it seemed like "a good way to manage my finances. Just to keep on top of, like, more transparency, be able to sort of see across the board. Just like an easy, streamlined app."

Signing up went better than she expected. "I remember going, oh, this isn't nearly as complicated as what I thought it might be. For someone who's 46 and not terribly with it, you know. I'm not really tech savvy any more, but yeah, it was pretty easy to do."

Then she shopped around. "I did, like, comparisons for different loans and everything online, and I figured out that this one would be the best one financially. It was affordable. It consolidated everything. The option to make additional repayments when and where I wanted."

She transferred the balance of one credit card onto the loan and closed that credit card. The interest saving was immediate. "I would have to pay, like, probably an extra like $100 like per week or something just to cover the interest. It was a massive difference for me." Where that money goes now makes her laugh. "Oh, God. Pay the rent more easily." And: "It just gives me a little bit more flexibility to do things with my kids."

For her, consolidating helped her feel calm about stress less. "It's lowered the stress in that I've got the big bulk of that sort of taken care of. That's just in the background being paid off in the background. There's no fluctuation with the interest rate. I know exactly what's coming out of my account."

Looking forward to new beginnings

For Ellen, her goal of buying a house has been put on the backburner while she pays off debt. "I would love to one day. I don't have a deposit. All of my savings is gone, and paying off the remnants of family court and lawyers and barristers."

The frustrating part is that the repayments themselves wouldn't be the barrier. "What I'm paying in right now I could feasibly be paying on a mortgage. I just don't have the deposit."

But she has made other goals for her and her kids. "Honestly, it's like stability for my kids, making sure that they've got food on their tables, making sure that, you know, they can go out and see their friends and do all that sort of stuff. That trumps my dream of having a home. We have a home. It's a rental, but we have a home."

And once the loan is paid down? "Go on a holiday." Japan or Scotland. "Two very different parts of the world, I know. But yeah, go on holiday with my kids."

See what one repayment could look like for you

If your repayments are scattered and it feels like the balance never moves, it can help to see the numbers in one place. Try the WeMoney debt consolidation calculator for an estimate of what a single repayment could look like, then create a free WeMoney account to get a view based on your actual situation.

Disclaimer: Ellen’s experience is her own and is not a guarantee of a similar result. The information in this article is general in nature and was prepared for information purposes only. It should not be considered financial advice and does not take into account your objectives, financial situation or needs. Consider whether it is appropriate for your circumstances and seek independent advice before making a financial decision.